And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Unknown
Here we are again. Me versus another barren Christmas. Last year at this time I should have still been pregnant. I wasn't of course. So instead I prayed for a Christmas miracle. I prayed that God would bless me with another baby that would be here in time for this Christmas. That wasn't to be either. This year, I'm scaling it down a bit and praying for a Christmas conception. Isn't that how it works? I just keep bargaining with God like he's the guy at the flea market selling the knock-off Coach and eventually I will get what I want? I'm not exactly a theologian but I'm pretty sure the Bible doesn't promise that.
At any rate, we are taking a more proactive approach this year. An approach that I have been hesitant to pursue. Trying to conceive naturally for over a year without any success is hard enough on the spirit. But to involve doctors and drugs and treatments and to invest money and time and other resources...well it's an even more draining approach. But we have decided it is time to journey down that path.
Our new game plan involves moving forward with AI with some slight variations given my funny anatomy. Dr. Fertile Myrtle will conduct a monthly ultrasound to see which of my ovaries (right or left) will be releasing the egg for that cycle. If it's my right ovary, we are clear for insemination. I was pregnant with Caleb in my right uterus and it is definitely the bigger and safer side to attempt another pregnancy. Sadly, if it's my left ovary poppin' out the egg we are out of luck for that month. Trying an insemination in my left uterus is not only risky but almost impossible considering my doctor can't really access it.
So it sounds simple enough, right? Well it could be, but it can also be very difficult. Since my right uterus is much smaller than a complete uterus it's very dangerous for me to get pregnant with more than one baby. So the medicine they typically have women use to stimulate egg development is out of the question for me because it also increases your chances of ending up with 8 kids and a reality television show. Or, in my case, probably another loss. No big deal, you say, just wait until you ovulate on your right side. The problem is that there's no way to predict which side will release the egg. My left side may decide that it wants to pull rank over my right ovary and the more room-y uterus and spit out eggs for the next several months. In that case, we are just at a stand still. And the drugs that they could give me to stimulate both ovaries to produce eggs are banned from my medicine cabinet. Sure, we can try on our own. But the odds are very slim (like 0%) that I will get pregnant on the left side.
So as for that Christmas prayer of conception...well it's out. My ultrasound on Wednesday revealed that my left ovary produced the egg this cycle. So another barren Christmas awaits me this year but I have not lost my hope for a very fruitful 2010.